Confession of a biased heart

To the editor:

I hate white supremacists.

Even so, a seed of me is in that camp.

I despise Neo-Nazis.

Yet my conscience condemns me.

In struggling with grief and anger about the atrocities in Charlottesville, I have uncovered a racial bias in my heart that distresses me.

I feel uneasy on a bus with a majority of African-Americans — even though I lived for six months with a Syrian, Egyptian, Iraqi, Iranian, German, and Dutchman without a twinge of discomfort.

I hold my bag tighter passing an African-American homeless person than a Caucasian homeless person.

I have pretended to talk on my phone at a Subway stop because I was afraid of the African-American people around me — even though when I was lost in Brussels, I walked up to multiple international strangers asking for directions.

I have ignored greetings, avoided eye contact, paid for taxis, left bars, called friends, crossed the street, all because of some discomfort born of a snap judgement based on skin color.

Yet every friendship I’ve had with a person of African-American descent has been a positive part of my life.

I don’t know where I learned this distrust. If I could cut it out, I would.

Even if my racial bias is nonviolent and seemingly innocuous, I am not blameless. And condemning racists, while right and just, also heals nothing. I truly believe healing can only begin when I confess I am part of the problem.

Rebecca Reed